welcome to the organic green doctor blog

i am a family physician who was diagnosed with
early mild cognitive impairment(mci) amnestic type on december 21, 2010
this is a precursor to alzheimers disease
because of this diagnosis i have opted to stop practicing medicine
this blog will be about my journey with this disease
please feel free to follow me along this path
i will continue blogging on organic gardening, green living,
solar power, rainwater collection, and healthy living
i will blog on these plus other things noted to be interesting

Monday, November 5, 2018

i had a dream


this weekend i spoke for a few minutes at the opening ceremony for the santa barbara walk to end alzheimers about why i was holding the blue flower that represented those of us with alzheimers disease

yes i cried they cried we all cried
later someone said there wasnt a dry eye in the crowd
mine wasnt for sure

all week i have been thinking about alzheimers
about how i was diagnosed
how i am doing
about my mom and younger brother and their battle with the disease
how those who were caregivers had to deal with them as they worsened

i guess i have thought more about all this in the last week than i have in a long time

do you ever have a dream that when you woke up it seemed real and it takes a while for that dream to fade away and the real world to finally return

friday night thats what happened to me
i had to get up early what i call dark thirty to help the crew set up the walk event

during my dream
which even now two days later seems more like not a dream but like it really happened

when i woke up from my sleep i was so worried i started doing memory tests on myself just to make sure i was ok

during my sleep dream i was working in the medical office seeing patients
during the dream i was confused
i couldnt remember what the patient was telling me
i couldnt remember how to work my computer
i couldnt remember how to take their symptoms and figure out what the diagnosis was
i couldnt remember how to order the labs and xrays on patients
i couldnt remember how and what medicines to order on my patients
my colleagues talked to me about my memory and told me i shouldnt be practicing medicine
about that time when they were confronting me
thats when i woke up

it all seemed so real
i will admit that thats why i quit practicing medicine when i did
i didnt ever want to reach that point

i will admit i was still bothered by the dream even after i was driving to the alzheimers walk
it all seemed even then to be real

nothing like this ever happened to me
i quit before this could have happened
something i vowed to do years ago once my mother and younger brother were diagnosed
i didnt hesitate at all when i quit

yes even this morning as i head to ucla for my second for sure infusion
it even now seems real like a true memory

before you feel sad for me and my memory
i really am doing well
knock on wood

i do all our financial stuff
i do all our financial planning
i do most of our shopping
i do all of our checkbooks
i do our taxes
i plan all of our vacations doing the reservations for airline tickets hotel and cars
i do this blog most days
i do my alzheimers talks when asked
i do my memory tests several times a year so i know how i am doing
i even can score my memory tests as i take thme
my memory probably is as good as many of you reading this

dont feel too sad for me
ive outlived several friends who left us since my diagnosis
i figured i would go before them

as of right now i seem to be doing just fine

i must say that dream is way back in the back of my brain
reminding me
i really dont want to be like i was in my dream

the organicgreen doctor

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