welcome to the organic green doctor blog

i am a family physician who was diagnosed with
early mild cognitive impairment(mci) amnestic type on december 21, 2010
this is a precursor to alzheimers disease
because of this diagnosis i have opted to stop practicing medicine
this blog will be about my journey with this disease
please feel free to follow me along this path
i will continue blogging on organic gardening, green living,
solar power, rainwater collection, and healthy living
i will blog on these plus other things noted to be interesting

Wednesday, February 1, 2023

my story revisited #166-when its my time...


brittany had terminal brain cancer
she had part of her brain removed and part of her skull removed
she was running out of time
she elected to be euthanized making her decision herself
you can google her name to read her story

in the alzheimers movie still alice she had done a plan to euthanize herself when the time came
she had the directions on her computer on how to do it
when the time came she was too far advanced
she couldn find the directions on how to do it and couldnt find her medicines she was to use

many of us with terminal diseases like i have think about euthanasia
ive thought about it
i even wrote about it below in my old blog

if my disease progresses like it usually does in alzheimers patients and like it did in my mother and my younger brother 
it will sneak up on you like it did in still alice where you wont be the one to make that decision 
your family will have to make those decisions

without the right paperwork the state may have to make the decision 

i dont want my wife she to have to make that decision or my sons or grandkids
i want to extract all out of this life that i can before i get the point where im done for

take away my meds give me water with no ivs or feeding tubes and if i wont eat thats ok
just let me go peacefully

brittany died peacefully with her family around here
she didnt suffer any more and her family didnt either
could she extracted another week another month a few months with them
would she have suffered if she had waited
would they have suffered also

when its time only she knew

when its my time i realize i wont know
i dont want my family to have to make that decision
just make me comfortable like i have written in my living will
know i extended my time here as much as i could

let me go when its time

yesterday i sat in that lounge chair receiving my #26 infusion of aduhelm at ucla
i have about 18 more months of infusions to go in this study
ill decide which of the approved antiamyloid drugs do i want to be on
aduhelm or lecanemab or donanemab
do i want to get into another clinical trial with eg a new tau antibody drug or another experimental drug to go along with one of these

ill decide in about 18 months which way i want to go

thank goodness for choices

euthanasia is ending a life intentionally to end pain
and suffering
we all know what it means

many of us have euthanized pets before
in some areas they simply use a gunshot to the head
but most probably use vet assisted euthanasia

and i think we all feel ok with pet euthanasia
its hard but we know the time has come when
the suffering outweighs the living
my wife she has held pets while they slowly
fall asleep

like most of us want to go with family and friends
around us


in humans it seems to be more sensitive
i watched the story of brittany maynard closely
before she euthanized herself
or as it called assisted suicide
legal in oregon
but practiced everywhere else but its not ever really
discussed openly
if you are in the medical field and have been around
dying terminal cases you know what i am talking about

have i seen it probably
have i participated probably
after all there are different degrees of this
an elderly person debilitated and severely involved with a terminal
disease like eg alzheimers disease
pneumonia is allowed to progress untreated
food and water is withdrawn
chemo is stopped
all meds are stopped

when i looked at brittany maynard and when i look at cases
like this
i picture her being my daughter my daughter in law my grand
daughter my niece
and then i say
what would i do or want done or what would i say if asked
should she have this done

there is a point of no return in diseases
that when its reached
then its time or its ok to let go or to help

the problem is when is that time
was she there
she thought so
she went out on her own terms

now ive seen these stories about euthanasia in the past
seen folks who euthanized themselves
to me they did not seem at that point

finding that point that sweet spot
is the essence of all of this
when it becomes a feel good thing the right thing
everyone involved feels ok with it
that may have been with brittanys case

i do think about this a lot
doing euthanasia
i have no problem with it personally

since if i have alzheimers disease then i have a terminal
illness that will eventually get to that sweet spot
will i be able to know when that time has arrived
will i be able to make that decision
i am afraid thats not the way this disease works
i dont want to go before i have eked out every second
of being with my wife she my sons my daughterinlaws
my future granddaughter
when i have maxed out my time here
i want to go

i would if i could follow in the footsteps of brittany
want my family to feel good about it
feel good about the life i led
ok sorry i fell asleep on yall all the time
but it could have done worse
i also dont want to put that burden that decision totally
on them
how to get prepared this far out is difficult
i dont want to wait too long
i want to be able to be involved
with finding that sweet spot
like finding that perfect sunrise or perfect sunset

for now
the best i can do is a living will with definite things written
no ivs
no feeding tube do that to me and i hope you rot in hades
no cpr no ventilation tubes again if you do that to me
i will haunt you for as long as you live
stop all my meds please
let me go since i wont be able to make you stop doing those things
to me
lets just move to oregon
if i was able when my time comes i would do what brittany did but i realize i wont be able to do that sine i wont be able to mentally make that decision because of the disease progression
i dont want my family to have to make that decision 
just let me go peacefully as best as you can
be at peace at any decision you make

one benefit of knowing what i have so early in the disease is that my wife she and i can have these discussions months to years before the decisions have to be made
most families dont get to do that

a case for early diagnosis

the organicgreen doctor

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