welcome to the organic green doctor blog

i am a family physician who was diagnosed with
early mild cognitive impairment(mci) amnestic type on december 21, 2010
this is a precursor to alzheimers disease
because of this diagnosis i have opted to stop practicing medicine
this blog will be about my journey with this disease
please feel free to follow me along this path
i will continue blogging on organic gardening, green living,
solar power, rainwater collection, and healthy living
i will blog on these plus other things noted to be interesting

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

do dreams come true


this picture was from a blog i wrote a couple of years ago about my dreams called 
monsters under the bed
i think this dream was triggered by looking at our closet which you can see in the dark picture above
if you look closely at that pictures you can see them

i have written about my aricept dreams i have which are induced by the aricept (donepezil) 
these dreams are usually quite vivid but usually are not that disturbing
usually i can scare off the monsters or whatever is trying to get me on that particular night
usually i can yell our or throw a pillow at them and they will go away

eg throwing a pillow at the closet scared those monsters away from our room

the dream i had two nights ago didnt have monsters in it
well in a way it was a monster
the alzheimers disease monster

i have wondered a lot over the last 10 years about what were my mother and my younger brother thinking as they slid into the alzheimers abyss
did they know they were slipping away 
was it so slow that they didnt realize it
did they reach a point where thinking those things dont happen anymore

alzheimers has been on my mind a lot the last few days since i was interviewed for the ny times article and since the aduhelm (aducanumab) was approved for the treatment of early alzheimers and since i have been reactivated in the aduanumab study so that i get my first infusion in this study in 3 days
a lot of people have asked me questions about all it

i  have been thinking a lot about alzheimers and what i will be like in the near future

i wrote this blog to ms b called thank you for letting me into your world so she can read it when she graduates from high school in 12 years since i probably wont be cognitively aware or alive when she graduates

all of this was on my mind two nights ago

i dreamed i had stopped practicing medicine because of my diagnosis
that part is true i did 
once diagnosed and placed on the alzheimers drug aricept (donepezil) i felt like i should not be practicing medicine so i stopped practicing and retired my medical license

since then my memory has improved gradually over the last 10 years so i feel like i could be practicing now
no i dont plan to do that 

all this thinking about that made me have this dream

i was working in the clinic in my dream where i was in practice
one thing i had given up was my dea number which allowed me to write certain prescriptions
but i was practicing and still writing those prescriptions when i needed to for patients care
now this is in my dream not in real life

in my dream my memory had deteriorated so that i got lost trying to go to the clinic
when i got to the clinic i couldnt find the office i worked in 
i couldnt remember the names of the doctors i worked with 
i couldnt remember patients or fellow employees

as usual i woke up before i was able to finish my dream

i wondered where it was heading had i not woke up
i would like to have it continued so i could find out more

this dream has stuck with me the last few days since i feel like i got an insight into what its going to be like when my memory fades
its probably what my mother and my brother felt as their memory faded away

it felt like when i had a concussion and i was talking crazy like and the memories after that concussion are real fuzzy

thats where i am this morning with this dream
it gave me an insight to what it may be like

im afraid this is a dream that i will remember as long as i can remember things

its not really a disturbing dream
it was an almost calming one
its ok i said to myself as i woke up 

do dreams come true

some probably do 

the organicgreen doctor

No comments:

Post a Comment